Author, Yvette Bethel, launched two emotional intelligence books in 2012 and both books earned recognition from the 2012 USA Best Book Awards.
The 2012 USA Best Books awards received by Bethel are:
E.Q. Librium: Finalist: Business, Careers
Finalist: Self Help, General
Getting to E.Q. Librium: Winner: Self Help, General
(Activity Book) Finalist: Best New Self Help Book
The USA Best Books Awards have been in existence for 10 years and the book entries are received from US and international publishers like Harper Collins, McGraw-Hill, Llewellyn Worldwide and small, independent publishers.
The USA Best Book Awards appoints a distinguished panel of industry judges who possess extensive editorial, PR, marketing, and design expertise. According to Bethel, "It is an honor to achieve this level of recognition so soon after the launch of the books. It is especially validating to have industry judges review both books and determine they can compete with the best books released in 2012. Hopefully this achievement will help to get the word out about the very important topic of emotional intelligence."
Bethel’s two books were also recently approved for availability within the international Six Seconds Emotional Intelligence network. Six Seconds is the most extensive emotional intelligence organization in the world based in 11 countries, supporting network members and emotional intelligence practitioners like Yvette Bethel in over 100 countries.
E.Q. Librium: Unleash the Power of Your Emotional Intelligence; A Proven Path to Career Success and its companion activity book, Getting to E.Q. Librium are available online at www.theeqeffect.com. The books are available at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iTunes.
In the work environment, communication plays a vital role in the success of your team, so mastering your non-verbal communication or body language helps you to build healthy working relationships.
Your body language has an impact on your team
When communicating, messages sent to your co-workers are both verbal and non-verbal. Your body language is so powerful, it can completely derail a conversation if it is inadvertently sending a message that is different than your verbal information. For instance, you may always say you adhere to the values of your company as a manager and one of the values is that your company values people. However, your actions as a manager do not demonstrate this. To be specific, you do not listen to employees, interactions with your staff are treated like a transaction, you never have the time to deal with people issues, nor do you spend time coaching and developing employees.
When this happens, trust is compromised because employees are witnessing your actions and completely disregarding your words because they are now meaningless.
Aligning Your Words and Your Actions
One of the most effective ways to ensure your body language is congruent with your verbal messaging is to be aware of your body language.
Here is a list of body language signals that can derail your communication:
Rolling your eyes.
How to develop awareness of your body language
Observe yourself in the mirror or record yourself using video: You can understand how you come across to others by observing yourself. Facial expressions may not be easy to observe as replicating them when you are not in the situations that trigger them can be challenging. So use video to record a few sessions so you can watch your body language.
Check your posture: are you standing and sitting straight or leaning forward? If you have a straight posture, it can convey confidence and interest. Leaning forward can indicate interest also but it can also give the impression of aggression or defensiveness.
Accept feedback from a person you trust: Ask a person you trust to provide feedback about your facial expressions and gestures. Ask them to be objective and highlight areas which you can improve. Let them know the verbal and non-verbal messages you intend to communicate and discuss or practice alternative ways you can use expressions or gestures in those situations. Practice the alternatives until you feel you have mastered the intended body language.
Reframe your Thoughts
Once you have identified your body language patterns, you can use reframing to change your non-verbal reactions to positive, non-verbal responses. Reframing is a tool you can use to view a situation that would usually trigger a negative response in a different way so that you can respond objectively to the circumstances both verbally and through your body language. For instance, you may have a coworker who never has anything positive to say about the people you work with, including you. If you can reframe the situation by understanding hurt people tend to hurt people, you can realize their behaviour is not about you, it is always about them and their pain. This understanding can help you to let go of your pain.
Build your Emotional Intelligence Skills
Emotional intelligence helps you to become self-aware and therefore equips you with information you can use to choose a self-regulated response. Skills like optimism, thinking about the consequences before reacting, and navigating your emotions are all useful in helping you to modify your body language permanently.
Brain science has established that over time, our brains are hard-wired to react emotionally to stimuli without thinking. In light of this, it is important to keep in mind it will take time to rewire your brain to adopt new, positive responses so practice, practice, practice.
Yvette Bethel is CEO of The EQ Effect, a consulting company dedicated to transforming cultures through building collective emotional intelligence skills. She is also author of the emotional Intelligence books E.Q. Librium and Getting to E.Q. Librium. If you are interested in exploring how you can improve your emotional intelligence or how to create higher performing teams, you can visit www.theeqeffect.com to contact us.
Author Yvette Bethel coined the term E.Q. Librium to describe your ability to use your Emotional Quotient (E.Q.) to achieve balance in emotionally charged situations. E.Q. Librium is achieved when you are able to identify both your emotions and the emotions of others, and you can filter that information into a balanced, holistic, and self-regulated response.
When you build your capacity to balance your emotions internally, you can become a positive influence within a group. The more people in a group who can navigate their emotions, the more effective the group will be at communicating purposefully and respectfully, particularly when there are diverse personalities at play.
Achieving E.Q. Librium means you are attaining conscious personal and team emotional attunement. When in a state of E.Q. Librium, intentional strategies designed to circumvent emotional reactions are more easily implemented.
E.Q. Librium involves using emotional intelligence to bring emotional stability to a situation and presupposes that individuals and team members will experience a variety of emotions. The traits needed to achieve E.Q. Librium are integrity, self-management, curiosity, objectivity, and accountability, despite prevailing emotions.
Seeking E.Q. Librium in a team environment does not mean you will always find a solution that will make everyone happy. In fact, your decision may be profoundly unpopular. What it does mean is that leaders are equipped with the skills to listen with empathy, manage morale, make decisions that are uncluttered by emotion, and address the fears of the team. Additionally, leaders can facilitate multi-channel flows of information so that relevant information continuously moves to and from the right people at the right times, and issues are addressed.
E.Q. Librium will help you to seek solutions to serve the greater good. In addition, because this approach may not be palatable to everyone affected by your decisions, it can help you to manage the fallout. In reality, maintaining E.Q. Librium is an art, and you may have to try several different strategies before finding one that brings the balance you seek.
Getting to E.Q. Librium is an activity book that takes you on an introspective path to E.Q. Librium. Once you complete the activity book, you will be more aware of yourself and others. Take advantage of the list of Emotional Intelligence Competencies listed in Part Three of this activity book. The list is designed to help stimulate your ideas so you can set clearer objectives for your E.Q. development; it will be referenced throughout the activity book.
If you enjoyed this blog you will enjoy the books E.Q. Librium and Getting to E.Q. Librium. You can purchase your copies at www.theeqeffect.com.
The words dodging, evasion, prevention and avoidance have both constructive and dysfunctional applications. For instance, avoidance can be a calculated action taken that will serve the greater good. You can take actions that can help you to avert a catastrophe and save jobs or you can decide on avoiding an immediate decision because it takes time to weigh the risks. There are times when it is okay to wait and let a situation cool down. This can be a productive approach as heightened emotions impede communication.
Avoidance is an action or lack of action propelled by a decision and oftentimes, the decision is propelled by an emotion. This article will explore the darker side of avoidance, why it happens, and what can be done about it.
When avoidance is in a dysfunctional mode it can be driven by fear or anger. When a person is in a negative avoidance mode, the quality of communication diminishes. It is important to note that communication can shut down whether or not a person is still engaging you in conversations. There are some who choose to literally stop all forms of verbal and written communication, others leave the channels open but their responses are vague, circular or confusing. Sometimes the responses are passive aggressive, where a person is giving the façade of co-operation but there is no intention to follow through with constructive action.
When the intention behind avoidance is not driven by fear, but by a need to take a step back and view the big picture, it is functional if procrastination does not set in. When avoidance is driven by the fear of a low performance rating, job loss or the loss of a good customer, because of incompetence, a lack of integrity, a low tolerance for mistakes or a lack of knowledge it can end up with disastrous outcomes.
Dysfunctional Avoidance Tactics
Here are a few ways both employees and people leaders avoid and negative responses:
How Avoidance Impacts Others
Using avoidance as a delay tactic only frustrates the people impacted by the delay. In response, frustration can result in tension or even shouting and profanity, especially if the avoidance is creating an unfair situation where someone feels disadvantaged or disempowered by the circumventive behaviour. In extreme cases an avoider’s safety can be put at risk causing them to constantly look over their shoulders in anticipation of some type of retaliation.
The whole point of dodging the fall is survival. When avoidance occurs because of fear or cowardice, the reasons undergirding the evasive action can be fear of consequences, circumvention of conscience, or no conscience at all. In fear or anger driven circumstances, dodging the fall is about avoiding responsibility and accountability. Unless the avoider has a cathartic personal experience and honesty and integrity become priority values that drive courageous action, it is highly unlikely that evasion will cease because the need to survive is overrides or nullifies the need to be honest.
If personal transformation is not an option, another way to transform this type of behaviour into functional behaviour is through effective leadership. Attuned leaders realize the impact of avoidance behaviours on their efforts to build a cohesive, motivated team so here are some of the ways they develop accountable employees:
As a people leader, it is important to select the right combination of interventions so that the root causes can be adequately addressed and authentic change can begin. As a leader, it is imperative to sustain the behaviours necessary to effect change, otherwise, sporadic attempts to create long-term change will be pointless.
Yvette Bethel is CEO of Organizational Soul, an HR Consulting and Leadership Development company. If you are interested in exploring how you can create a higher performing organization, you can contact her at email@example.com.
It is very interesting how people spend time mastering the system. First they experience the process, exploring its inherent strengths, understanding what the system is designed to do. Then they scour the process for the inevitable oversights that were invisible when the architects created the system.
For some, the reason behind mastering the system is a goal of achieving professional effectiveness or personal actualization. For others, the intent may be less honourable. Here are three ways employees attempt to manipulate systems, finding short cuts that avoid accountability:
Five Causes for Working the System
There are various reasons why employees seek ways to circumvent a system, seeking shorter or easier route:
Unfortunately, there are productive employees who make every effort to follow the rules while observing the chosen few flagrantly bending the rules. In some cases, productive employees may eventually adopt a detached attitude of “If you can’t beat them, join them” or “there is no point”. However, there is also the risk that if good workers become despondent, they will look for another job because their work ethic dictates productivity.
Everyone we encounter has an agenda driven by a value system. Whether the agenda is one based on integrity or dishonesty, selfishness or altruism, it is an agenda. Working the system is usually perceived as a self-centered action because it usually benefits the person initiating the manipulations. However, there are altruistic persons who manipulate systems so the greater good can be served.
Thomas Sowell, an economist, political commentator and author once said, “One of the sad signs of our times is that we have demonized those who produce, subsidized those who refuse to produce, and canonized those who complain.” When there are persons working the system for personal gain, let us be careful not to demonize the producers but instead, focus on finding ways to stimulate and engage persons intent on working the system and stimulate their productivity.
Yvette Bethel is CEO of Organizational Soul, an HR Consulting and Leadership Development company. If you are interested in exploring how you can enhance your team, you can contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
When starting a new career, you are in the exploratory phase of your career, trying to understand if your chosen path is the right one. The next stage in your career is the establishment stage where you are learning through training and experience, establishing yourself as a resource. At this stage you are immersed in your career and if you are engaged, you start to think about ways you can expand in your role and position yourself for a promotion.
At the maintenance stage of your career, you continue to gain breadth and depth of knowledge. At this stage, you may have received promotions or you may be in the same role for an extended period of time.
The final stage in your career is disengagement. Here are a few reasons why disengagement can occur:
Whatever the reason, disengagement can be a difficult stage because you know it is time to leave but you may not be clear about what to do next or when to make a move.
There is no fixed timeline for moving through the four career stages. For instance, some persons may accept a job and move immediately from exploration to disengagement because the work environment is not a good fit. In cases like these, employees have an opportunity to learn valuable lessons about their strengths and weaknesses. Alternatively, a person can take decades to move through the career stages gaining breadth and depth of experience before they disengage. Whatever your reason for disengagement, it is important not to become stuck.
When you feel stuck, you can experience stressful emotions like anger and frustration that can lead to agitated outbursts or even apathy. A sustained negative emotional state can be harmful to your productivity, your health, and your ability to relate effectively with your colleagues. Stressful emotions can also affect your ability to focus on your career, derailing your attempts to work on a career plan. The good news is that regardless your circumstances, reinvention is possible.
Steps to Career Reinvention
Reinvention not only takes vision, it takes planning and discipline. Here are eight tips you can use to reinvent your career and sustain the changes.
In closing, it is important for you to realize you should be the primary author of your career plan. As previously stated, this means you should create a realistic vision for your career and life so you can decide how long you will await a promotion or other types of developmental opportunities. You also need to determine how much you will invest in your own development so you are not at the mercy of a fluctuating training budget.
Yvette Bethel is CEO of Organizational Soul, an HR Consulting and Leadership Development company. If you are interested in creating and executing a personal career plan, you can connect with her on the contact page at www.orgsoul.com. Career Coaching Sessions begin in January 2011.