I had several conversations during the past week and jealousy seemed to be a unifying theme in each conversation.  One person described a situation where she was being left out of the communication loop so that information critical to her performance was being withheld by her manager.

There was another person who described a situation where he felt a project wasn’t rewarded because of a past experience with the decision maker which was based on gossip.  Uninterestingly enough, the decision maker never even bothered to find out the facts; she accepted the statements at face value.

There are others who use gossip and attack others, some use exaggeration or minimization as malicious tools.  There are numerous ways that jealousy raises its unwelcome head and when it infiltrates the workplace, it impedes teamwork and productivity because working relationships are impaired and trust levels are low to non-existent.

Here are a few situations that can typically attract a jealous reaction: 
• When someone achieves something you have been wanting.
• When someone you dislike succeeds.
• When someone gets something you don’t think they deserve.
• When someone seems to be favoured by a decision maker.

Jealousy in any situation is undesirable and destructive but the intensity of jealousy tends to vary depending on how the jealous person feels about the target of their jealousy. 

At times jealousy is open and detectable so persons targeted are very clear that they are not liked.  Then there are the undercover forms of jealousy that you cannot prove and they tend to be more damaging.  

Here are a few examples:
• Persons planting seeds of doubt about you, twisting the facts behind your back.
• Persons surreptitiously “bad mouthing” your accomplishments or not acknowledging them at all so they can appear to be better than you in some way.
• Gossip

What Causes Jealousy?

Sometimes jealousy is centered on financial status, other times it is based on physical traits or style.   For some it is sparked by academic achievements and for others it is caused by lifestyle and possessions.

Jealousy is the result of a person’s view of themselves.  It surfaces when someone perceives you as having something they don’t have and because they see the world in terms of lack and not abundance, this makes them angry or fearful.  Some jealous people will fake it and overextend themselves so that they can appear to be your friend, others will not try to be congenial at all, their mission is to bully or sabotage you.

Fear is another cause of jealousy.  For instance, when new, skilled persons start working in a department, the fear of the unknown change in team dynamics causes jealousy because there is the risk that the new person will drive up the standards within the department.  This is frightening to the keepers of the status quo.  Employees who are targets of jealousy are often discredited, sabotaged and left out of communication loops.  Non-jealous members of the team are sometimes forced to take the side of the jealous ones because they don’t want the hateful behaviour to be directed at them.

What can you do if you are the target of jealousy?

The root cause of jealousy is low self esteem so there is virtually nothing you can do to change the jealous people around you.  Self esteem building and empowerment are personal responsibilities so your attempts to help the jealous person can backfire.  Instead, here are five options that are within your control:

• Be selective with the information you share about yourself.  It can be distorted by malicious intent.
• Refuse to stoop to the same level as the jealous people around you.
• Know that you have a right to choose healthy relationships and healthy work environments.  Don’t see yourself as stuck.   Jealousy can sometimes present itself as bullying so make a choice if you must.
• Many people dumb down to minimize jealous attacks.  This negatively affects you, your professional growth and your ability to enjoy your job because you are playing small.  Be who you are, jealous onlookers will see your light no matter what you do.
• Don’t be seduced by friendliness.  Robert Green, author of “The 48 Laws of Power” states that one of the Laws of Power is to, “Pose as a friend and work as a spy” so beware of this type.  Another law is, “Do not build fortresses to protect or isolate yourself – Isolation is dangerous”.   By falling into the isolation trap you will not be able to access useful information and consequently, you can become an easy target.

What can you do if you feel jealous?

If you are typically negatively affected by other people’s perceived success, understand that you are experiencing emotions somewhere on the spectrum of fear and anger.  Once you identify your emotions, identify what your emotions are teaching you.  Ask yourself why you are jealous or why you feel threatened by another person’s talents or achievements.  Find your talents; you definitely have unique abilities, so cultivate your strengths by focusing on your goals. 

When you identify the personal belief systems that are causing you to feel jealous, take conscious steps to improve in the areas you feel are underdeveloped and if this doesn’t work for you, focus on your strengths.  Learn to see yourself as empowered and choose to reframe your thoughts so that you can see your personal potential clearly.  We all have different talents and proclivities, so focus on becoming the best at what you do best and understand that everyone is different. 

Yvette Bethel is CEO of Organizational Soul, an HR Consulting and Leadership Development company.  If you are interested in exploring how you can create higher performing team leaders, you contact her at www.orgsoul.com.